purified

"and everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:3

the cycle seems to be the same, in my life.  and each time it purifies... after eleven years, i can look back and see the changes, the purifying effect of the trials, the holiness, the relationship.

like stages, i would often go through many different sinful reactions before utter surrender to the Lord and His Lordship of my life.  how sweet it has been to watch (as if from the outside) these different reactions this time, during this trial.  the same trial, it seems, only...not the same reaction.

so quickly did i run to His side, under His wing, to the shelter and security of His name.  He is good and everything that He allows is good.  it will be to His glory.  He is the King.  this is the time that He has ordained and i will praise Him.

this is not about me being a good wife, a good mother, doing the right thing, saying the right thing, going to church or any of the other self satisfying (yet obedient) actions that are apart of our lives.  this is about Him.  this is about uttering His holy name and calling on Him.  this is about standing in your jammies in the morning and saying "your will, Lord, not mine."  this is about standing before your children and saying "His will, not mine"  this is about standing in front of your husband and saying the same. 

this is about love.  "LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, ALL YOUR SOUL AND ALL YOUR STRENGTH." Deuteronomy 6:5 

i think about what we are about to live through and shudder in my flesh.  i know, we all know what is coming.  you can't stay behind the curtain forever.  and as a mother, i cringe.  i cry out to the LORD and pray for the eyes of the body to be opened from their comfortable slumber.  time is short ... ARISE! Oh Church of God! and put your armour on!  Shortly, we will battle as never before, are you ready?

when i choose to look beyond the fear of my flesh to the reality of God's perfect timing, i am in awe that He would count me worthy to live through these times.  what must He know that i do not?  i used to hear a soft whisper, but now i clearly hear the battle cry...

"BE STRONG AND OF GOOD COURAGE, DO NOT BE AFRAID, NOR BE DISMAYED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL BE WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO!" Joshua 1:9

i want to be holy

As a musician, it pains me that there is excruciatingly little of value to listen to, especially "christian" music - most is filled with err and nonsense.  However, I find the poignant articulation of Todd Agnew and his guttural cry for the Savior and his need for Him, his desire to be like him overwhelming and much like my own cry. 

My Jesus - by Todd Agnew

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like you Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!