purified

"and everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:3

the cycle seems to be the same, in my life.  and each time it purifies... after eleven years, i can look back and see the changes, the purifying effect of the trials, the holiness, the relationship.

like stages, i would often go through many different sinful reactions before utter surrender to the Lord and His Lordship of my life.  how sweet it has been to watch (as if from the outside) these different reactions this time, during this trial.  the same trial, it seems, only...not the same reaction.

so quickly did i run to His side, under His wing, to the shelter and security of His name.  He is good and everything that He allows is good.  it will be to His glory.  He is the King.  this is the time that He has ordained and i will praise Him.

this is not about me being a good wife, a good mother, doing the right thing, saying the right thing, going to church or any of the other self satisfying (yet obedient) actions that are apart of our lives.  this is about Him.  this is about uttering His holy name and calling on Him.  this is about standing in your jammies in the morning and saying "your will, Lord, not mine."  this is about standing before your children and saying "His will, not mine"  this is about standing in front of your husband and saying the same. 

this is about love.  "LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, ALL YOUR SOUL AND ALL YOUR STRENGTH." Deuteronomy 6:5 

i think about what we are about to live through and shudder in my flesh.  i know, we all know what is coming.  you can't stay behind the curtain forever.  and as a mother, i cringe.  i cry out to the LORD and pray for the eyes of the body to be opened from their comfortable slumber.  time is short ... ARISE! Oh Church of God! and put your armour on!  Shortly, we will battle as never before, are you ready?

when i choose to look beyond the fear of my flesh to the reality of God's perfect timing, i am in awe that He would count me worthy to live through these times.  what must He know that i do not?  i used to hear a soft whisper, but now i clearly hear the battle cry...

"BE STRONG AND OF GOOD COURAGE, DO NOT BE AFRAID, NOR BE DISMAYED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL BE WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO!" Joshua 1:9